im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
