you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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