I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
