Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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