Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
