Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
We had sex on a dog bed..
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
