i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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