It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
