So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
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