Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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