Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
