1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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