Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
