He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
We're using joints as your birthday candles
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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