When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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