Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
