No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
