I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
