I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
