Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
