sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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