Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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