Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I'm sobbing to NWA
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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