Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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