Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
