Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize