I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
