He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Randomize
