I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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