You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
You need Xanax blowdarts
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
