when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
