I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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