what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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