fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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