then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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