So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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