I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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