If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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