dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
