I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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