I love black thongs
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
