do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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