I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
