wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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