she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
