youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
im holly from the hills drunk
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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