I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
