Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
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