Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
