I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
