If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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