My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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