it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
