there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
It's official drugs can't kill me
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
