Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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