So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
