Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
