I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
