I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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