AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
