You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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