he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
