I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
