I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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