I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I'm sobbing to NWA
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
