I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
